1st Milestone

I did it.  I hit my first milestone. 

THIRTY POUNDS.

3-0

The big three-and-oh.

That's six 5lb bags of sugar.

meijer.com



120 quarter pounders.

monacome.com



10 cans of Crisco oil





preparednessadvice.com





4 gallons of water



mistymountainspringwater.com



120 sticks of butter

dabbledabbledo.blogspot.com

20 dozen eggs

dreamstime.com

A 32-inch flat screen tv

fareastgizmos.com

I'm beyond proud of myself, but at the same time I'm still in a bit of shock.  I have set weight loss goals for myself many, many times over the past 15 years.  Never once have I ever met any of them.  Even when I went smaller with 15- or 20-pound goals, I could only manage 10 or 12 before giving up and going back to my old habits. 

For the first time, I've actually made it to the first milestone.  I feel like I should throw myself a party.

I still have 103 pounds to go, which is three more 30lb milestones and a last one of 13.  After hitting this first mark, though, I am so confident that I can hit the rest of them, one at a time, until at last, for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I will be at my "ideal" body weight.  Not only that, I'll be healthy and fit and not have to worry about all of the health problems that come with obesity anymore.  What a day that will be!

Don't ever think you can't do it, guys.  You can do ANYTHING!

Yo!

Hey guys, I'm still kickin'.  Busy gal and all.

I'm over at A Different Path to Loss today sharing a new-ish recipe I found that's low-fat and AWESOME.

Come check it out!

Biggest Fears

Yesterday I was listening to Kidd Kraddick in the Morning while driving to school.  They were discussing their biggest fears, and each person on the show had to take a turn.  Kellie's is being fired.  JC's is doctors. Big Al's is disappointing his parents.  Kidd's is the triangle of death - he wouldn't give his actual fear.  Jenna's is dying in a plane crash.  Then they got to Shannon, the quiet chick who keeps them on schedule and is rarely heard on the show.  Her biggest fear:  getting fat.  

When she said it I immediately got angry.  It was self-defense mode, I'm sure, to react that way.  I'm like that with many things.  If somebody makes a fat joke in general, I get angry.  If an overweight person is discriminated against or made fun of on TV or in a movie, I get angry.  I know this is more about my own self esteem issues than anything, but that does not make it any less wrong to use an obese person as the brunt of a joke or as a good story line.   

I started ranting and raving in my car, to no one in particular, about how insensitive people are, and Oh, you're SO terrified of gaining weight, honey, you should try being overweight for most of your life and being unable to LOSE weight.   I'll admit, I had a small pity party going on in the midst of that rant.  

After thinking about it for a while, though, I realized her fear isn't all that shocking.  If I were forced to examine my own fears, one of my biggest fears is that I'll always be fat.  Isn't all that different from Shannon's fear, is it? 

Even as I'm on this journey, working hard to eat the right foods, smaller portions, exercise, be healthy, in the back of my mind is this nagging voice that says don't bother with all of this, it's too hard.  You'll always be fat.  Just accept it.  Granted, that voice is getting smaller and smaller - I contribute that to my success thus far and the wonderful support I get from my family, friends and blogging buds.  

They say you should face your fears.  If my fear is being fat forever, then I need to face it and shut that fear up by proving it wrong.  

It's a Mardi Gras miracle! Seriously.

If you're thinking I've been a total cheater and have dedicated no time at all to my Fat Girl blog and ALL of my blogging time to the Different Paths, Same Destination blog....you're right.    However, let me clarify that my "blogging time" has been almost nonexistent for the past few weeks. 

Anyhoo, I want to tell you guys about a phenomenon I experienced this morning.  First, if you missed my post over on the group blog yesterday, Mardi Gras, That Bitch, then you should go read that first and then come back.  I'll wait.

I'm trusting you actually went and read it.  I BELIEVE IN YOU.

So, after being a complete food whore over the past two weeks, I was dreading trying to get back into the good food groove again.  I was bothered though, because I wanted to know just how bad I screwed up.  How much of that weight had I gained back because of my shenanigans (man, I love that word)?  How many stones would I have to take out of my "pounds lost" jar?  At the same time, I didn't want to know how bad I screwed up.  Just pretend it never happened. 

Despite my apprehension about it, this morning I stepped on the scale, took a few deep breaths, then looked down to see the damage. 

258.

Wait, what?  I had LOST two pounds?  What.The.French.Toast? I shook my head, looked down again.  Yep, two pounds lighter than before my wagon abandonment.  I stepped off, stepped back on.  Still two pounds lighter. 

It was a Mardi Gras miracle!! 

I love this little meme baby.

I don't know how it happened, but I'm not going to question it.  I'm just going to breathe a HUGE sigh of relief and get back on the horse. 

Also, I got to take two stones out of the "pounds to go" jar and put them in the "pounds lost" jar.  Whoop!

Distracted

School has taken over my life.  That bitch.

Anyhoo, I have been around, but mostly over at Different Paths, Same Destination (the group weight loss blog). It is off to a FANTASTIC start, and I think it's because the women taking part in it are all awesome, wonderful women.

So, I posted over on that blog earlier this week, but forgot to send you guys there (if you're not following it already).  It's Tragically Skewed - my take on today's views of what beauty and healthy is.  Some people got pretty opinionated in the comments.  Does that make me more interesting?  I'm going to go with yes.

Go check it out, and don't stop loving me.  Hate the institution.  Damn you, higher education.

Struggling and venting (a twofer)

So, on Wednesday I wrote this great January recap post, going on about how proud I was of myself and the success I've had thus far with my new lifestyle.  I went on about the new way I look at food, and how I see it as healthy vs. unhealthy now, as opposed to yummy vs. blah.  I said that exercising daily has become routine, and how I look forward to it every day.  Basically, it was a love letter to myself.

Well, you know how you let your guard down for ONE second? 

Yeah, that happened.

But before I can fill you in on the meltdown, let me vent a little so maybe you won't judge me so harshly.

The relationship between myself and my mother-in-law has been sketchy since before Christmas.  Basically for the past five years I've just let her tell me when she's coming to visit, and for how long, instead of insisting that she ask if we're busy or if it's even okay with us that she and my father-in-law visit.  Also for five years I've allowed her to bring their dog with them to my house, even though me and our youngest child are both allergic.  They both know this fact, but don't much care. 

Finally back in October after the baby and I both got severe allergy colds after a visit from the inlaws and the dog, husband and I had a long talk and decided we were tired of it.  We broached the topic with the inlaws and told them that because of kiddo and my health we would prefer if they would leave the dog at home.  The next time they visited (without calling first - and they live an hour away) they brought the dog.  Unfortunately for them they picked the wrong day to do this, since I was in a particularly bitchy mood on that day.  I informed them both that regardless of allergies, this was OUR house and we wished that they would 1) respect our wishes about the dog and stop bringing him and 2) learn how to ask about visiting before just showing up.  This did not go over well. 

So Christmas was terribly uncomfortable for me, husband and the inlaws.  She was still miffed about the dog, and he had refused to visit the past three times in protest of the dog ban - although his absence didn't bother me that much because he's an insufferable jerk. Seriously. 

Fast-forward to two weeks ago, when dear mother-in-law texted me to inform me that she would be coming to visit that weekend.  I responded that it was not a good time for her to visit, but that they could come this upcoming weekend (today) to visit for the day.  I never got a response.  Then on Tuesday night I came in from choir practice and was informed by my very frustrated husband that she had just called him to tell him that they would be coming in on Friday (last night) to spend the night, and they were bringing the dog. 

I. Freaking. Lost. It. 

I started screaming, "No, no, no, no, NO!"  Husband just stood there in shock.  I think he was afraid of me for a second.  I got on my phone to quickly inform her that no, she would not be coming in on Friday, she could come for a few hours on Saturday, and she most certainly would not be bringing the dog, and if she wants to be angry at me, that's fine.  She had no response for me.  I went on to tell her that it very much upset husband when they continued to put the dog before their grandchildren, and how much I hated for him to be repeatedly upset because they couldn't bear to leave the damn dog alone for five hours.

(Note:  Let me interject here and say for the record that I LOVE dogs.  I always have.  I'm just terribly allergic to them and would prefer to keep the place where I live dog hair free. Is that so much to ask??)

What is her response?  She sends husband a text:  "Mommy and Daddy love you." 

What. The. Frick.   Even husband was like, "What the hell? How ridiculous can you be?"

Then again Thursday afternoon she called with yet another plea to come in and spend the night last night.  He would stay home (in protest again, I assume).  FINALLY, finally (thank you Lord) husband stood up for himself and told her that she was not going to come in yesterday and spend the night, but that she AND he could come in today and visit for a few hours.  He stood his ground and she finally, grudgingly, gave in and agreed. 

Now, I am not a moron, and have no desire whatsoever to spend my day with two people who I hardly like in general and certainly cannot stand at the moment.  I'm being as nice as possible because I don't want my husband to be estranged from his parents, and I do want my kids to know their grandparents, even if they are jerks.  So, I will be spending my day elsewhere while the inlaws visit husband and kids. 

So, back to the meltdown....

I was SO frustrated and aggravated Thursday night that after dinner I popped not one but TWO bags of popcorn and shoveled it all into my mouth like I was starving to death. 

Then yesterday while spending the day at a fundraiser I ate a sandwich (the first bread I have eaten in over a month).  Then for dinner husband suggested we order from a little mom-and-pop place up the road that does all kinds of food.  I usually order a salad, but tonight, no sir, I ordered the seafood basket.  Fried catfish, fried oysters, fried shrimp, coleslaw and hushpuppies.  I ate it all.  Every. Last. Piece.

So now I am angry at myself for doing so badly, angry at my inlaws for being morons, and just angry in general. 

I know I'll wake up tomorrow and be back on the bandwagon, but I constantly worry that one slip will cause me to give up completely and that I'll be forever fat.   I have GOT to stop being a stress-eater.  That, or somehow convince the inlaws to move far, far away....

You can find me...

at Different Paths, Same Destination today.  


My post is about the awful eating habits that got me fat in the first place.  


Check it out!

Craft Time!

Just to be clear: I am in no way "crafty" - I don't make things from scratch, I do not sew, I hate glue guns and glitter pisses me off.  I do have occasional moments where I see something and think I could make that.


For example, the other day on Pinterest I saw this:

Link

I think it's a fun, great way to visualize your goal and success at the same time.  The large pink diamond is for the very last pound lost.  

So what did I do?  I went to Hobby Lobby, of course.  

Found the exact same glass jars, some green stones (I like colorful), some thick pink alphabet stickers and a giant pink diamond.  $23.49 later:

For some reason my camera flash made the glass look lined.  

Mine isn't as neat as the original, but hey, I think it's pretty good.  I look forward to that pink diamond being the last stone left in the "Pounds to go" jar, and then taking it out and putting it in the "Pounds lost!" jar.  I'm going to have a massive party when that happens! 

So there's your craft lesson for today, brought to you by Bea's Craft Hour.   

Tomorrow I"ll be posting over at Different Paths, Same Destination about my formerly awful eating habits.  It's personal, it's exposing, and I felt great after writing it!  Be sure to go check it out and follow the blog if you don't already! Today's former food post is by B!

Hurt

I started another post a few minutes ago about walking, but I have other fat-related problems on my mind right now, so I decided to postpone that one for later.  


One of my blogging buds, who is also on a weight loss journey, is having a hard time.  She's had some bad days - like we all do - and it's getting her down.  After talking with her a bit, I started thinking about the things that get me down.  The things that have gotten me down in the past.  Basically, all of the little and big things that occur that bundle into one word:  hurt.


People hurt you.  Family hurts you.  Friends hurt you.  Strangers hurt you.  You hurt yourself.  This happens to everyone, but I'm talking about the kind of hurt that comes with being obese.  


In junior high it was the hurt that came when I tried out for the cheerleading squad, and although I could do the cheers, dances and even the jumps perfectly, I was not picked for the team because I wouldn't look good in the uniform.  (I was actually told this by a judge.)  At twelve, that hurts.  


In high school it was the hurt that came when I had crushes on really cute guys, who inevitably always picked the skinny, cute girls.  Or when I fell IN LOVE (you know, 16-year-old obsession-type love) with my best friend Ben, and he would ask me for advice with all of the other girls he liked.  I had boyfriends in high school - I wasn't a total horror - but you know what I mean. Or having to shop for my Junior prom dress in the plus-size section of the store because none of the normal dresses would fit me.  At 14-17, that hurts.  


Adulthood has been jam-packed with moments of hurt from men, friends, family, strangers and myself.  One particular moment that stands out to me, almost ten years later, is a single moment of hurt that came from the last person in the world I expected it from:  my mother.  


At 18 I hit a rebellious phase, as most teens do at that age.  I was smoking, partying and doing everything but getting caught.  I hadn't started with the tattoos yet, but I went and got my tongue pierced.  To my deep-south, Church of God born-and-raised mother, this was a huge deal.  It was an embarrassment to her, because what would people think when they saw her daughter with a bar through her tongue?  Of course, I had to argue loudly with her because that's what stubborn 18-year-olds do with their parents, but she shut me up quick when she hit below the belt.  I guess she had had enough of my yelling, because she screamed at me, "SIT YOUR FAT BUTT DOWN RIGHT NOW!"  


Stopped me cold.  I sat down immediately.  I was shocked, angry and terribly hurt.  The hurt was more powerful than anything else, because despite all of the fat jokes and looks I was so used to from strangers, the last person in the entire world I expected to use my obesity against me was her.  (God, I can't even remember this without crying.) She seemed to instantly realize what she had done, so she lowered her tone, told me to take out the piercing, then left my room.  Neither of us have ever mentioned that awful moment.  I don't think either of us ever will.  Her, because she knows just how hurtful her statement was to me.  Me, because I could never acknowledge to her just how much it hurt.  I love my mother; she is the best person I know and she is a wonderful mother and grandmother.  She's one of my very best friends.  I confide in her, she confides in me.  We get along wonderfully.  I guess I decided long ago that I wouldn't hold against her the one moment in my entire life that she ever let me down.  Still, even now, almost ten years later, it hurts.  


I think if my husband were to make a comment about my weight, I would probably be devastated.  Somehow, it hurts so much worse when it comes from someone you love.  


So, while these memories - especially the last - still hurt me today, I have decided to use them as yet another motivational tool.  I will lose weight and then when those jerks who laughed about me before see me fit, they'll be checking out my ass, oblivious to the fact that years ago they thought I was disgusting.   I will lose weight and when someone makes a fat joke in front of me, they will be shocked when I call them out for being assholes.  I will lose weight, and maybe, hopefully, I can forget that one awful statement my mother made in anger.  


I'm not entirely sure why I shared this with you guys, because it's intensely personal.  Maybe that is exactly why I shared it.  No secrets here.  


If somebody hurts you, in any way at all, don't let it consume you.  Don't let it pull you under.  Turn it around and use it to make yourself better.  That's all any of us can hope to do. 

Introducing Bea

On the new group blog, Different Paths, Same Destination.  Today is my intro day.  Go on over and check it out here!  Also, follow the blog as well as the other writers.  They're all awesome!


Oh AND since my last post we've welcomed an additional blogger to the new blog, and she's sweet, funny and super excited to be joining us.  I love her bunches!  Ashley from Finding the Skinnier Me is her name, weight loss is her game.  Go on over and follow her as well. Welcome, Ash!


Why are you still here?  Go now!

Drumroll, please...

I know I mentioned this in my last post, but I'm just SO FRICKIN' EXCITED and cannot contain myself so I'm telling y'all again...


I was asked, along with three other fantabulous ladies:  Yandie from Inspiration Strikes. In the Kneecaps, Mrs. One Day from One Day I'm Gonna... and Jessica from Simple Musings to join B. from The Opposite of That in a new group blog.  The blog is called Different Paths, Same Destination  and it will focus on weight loss.  Each of us are, in our own ways, attempting to lose weight, some just a few pounds, and others (like me) a bunch.  We're talking a whole Backstreet Boy.  Seriously, they only weigh like 90 pounds.  


Anyhoo, the first posts (coming very soon) will be our individual introductions, and then we'll get into the nitty gritty of it.  We will post about our successes, failures, progress, food, exercise - basically anything and everything having to do with our journeys through weight loss.  I suggest you get on over and follow us so you won't miss any of it!


We appreciate the support, just as we appreciate having each other to count on for support, encouragement, and shared celebration as we succeed in achieving our goals.  Hope to see y'all over there! 


P.S.  Those chicks I mentioned up there...they're totally awesome, and their blogs prove it.  If you're not already a follower, go check 'em out as well! :)

Blogpalooza

I'm not typically in favor of doing memes or any type of pass-it-on thing, but recently I've been awarded three separate blog awards, and I really appreciate them so I felt it necessary to accept them and pass them on.  


The first award I received was the Reader Appreciation Award from Jo-Anne over at Jo-Anne's Ramblings

There weren't any specific rules other than passing it on to 7 people. 


The second award came from B over at The opposite of that. It's the Happy 101 Award.

To accept this award you must list 10 things that make you happy and then pass the award on to 10 bloggers who brighten my day.  


10 Things That Make Me Happy:
1. My children
2. My husband
3. Watching football
4. Music of any kind
5. Puppies
6. Coffee
7. My education
8. Flip flops
9. Family
10. Friends (both the people I love and the tv show - twofer!)


The last award was the Overlord Award from Mrs. One Day at One Day I'm Gonna...

I think this one is my favorite because I get to list three things I would do if I were overlord, then pass it on to 10 blogs I feel worthy of world domination.  How badass is that?! 


So the three things I would do as overlord:
1. Make Steven Tyler and Johnny Depp my personal assistants.  On call 24/7. 
2. Pass a law that every single person who abuses a child, either physically or sexually, will have his/her sexual organs removed, and then they will be all locked together in my own special version of the Hunger Games, which will be held annually. 
3. Force celebrities/athletes/government officials to donate 40% of their annual income towards efforts to feed, clothe, house, educate and provide health care for the needy all over the world.  


Now, instead of selecting 7 people for the first, 10 for the second and 10 for the third, I'm going to bundle them up into an awesome blog award package hereinafter referred to as Blogpalooza. 

 The following ten bloggers/blogs have been awarded all three of these awards because I appreciate their writing, they make my day brighter and I find them more than worthy of world domination:


Sarah at Brave Days
Dr. Heckle at Dr. Heckle 
Cole Garrett at Dry Humor Daily 
Ashley at Finding the Skinnier Me 
Yandie, goddes of pickles at Inspiration strikes. In the Kneecaps 
Mrs. One Day at One Day I'm Gonna... 
Jessica Jenkins at Simple Musings 
B at the Opposite of That
With Love at With Love 
Al Penwasser at Penwasser Place 

In order to accept all you really have to do is continue being frickin' awesome. If you'd like, though, you can repost with 10 things that make you all warm and fuzzy inside, followed immediately by the three things you would do as overlord.  Basically, you guys are all badass enough to decide for yourselves.

You guys are all awesome and I very much enjoy reading your posts.  


On another note, I have joined forces with some fantastically awesome people who are also on a weight loss journey and we will soon be unleashing a group blog on weight loss.  We will all contribute our own various ideas, suggestions, successes and failures as we attempt to lose the pounds and find the healthier, happier versions of ourselves.  I'll post the link once it's up and running!

Failure... and encouragement

I had a bad day Monday.  My spring semester started Tuesday, and despite the fact that I'm 27 years old, I still get nervous jitters the eve of the first day back.  Habitually, my immediate response to nervous tension or anxiety of any kind, is to eat.  Eat and eat and eat.  Doritos.  Oreos.  Some pretzels.  Maybe a bowl of cereal.  Whatever was available, really.  I would take a few bites of this, a few bites of that.  Food has been my go-to comfort for my entire adult life.  No wonder I woke up 283 pounds.  Life is stressful, y'all.  

So Monday was the first stressful day I've had since starting my new lifestyle changes.  My first urge, of course, was to start digging around for the bag of chips I know my husband has hid somewhere in the house (I told him if he insisted on buying junk food, please hide it from me because I don't even want to see it.  He's a good husband.).  I calmed myself down, repeated all of those little phrases like "food is not comfort" and "eating is not the answer" blah blah blah.  I managed to refrain from a full-on chip search, so I felt proud of myself and let my guard down.  A little while later my kids were in a chicken nugget and fries mood so I cooked just enough for them to eat, no leftovers.  About halfway through her plate, my youngest decided she was full so she left her plate and went to play. 

I stared at those two nuggets and six fries (yes, I counted) for a good five minutes.  Throw it away, I commanded myself.  You don't want it.  Just throw it away.  

But what happened?  I ate the food.  I ate both nuggets and all six fries.  Immediately I was angry with myself for being weak, and internally counting how many calories I had just consumed on impulse (I don't even count calories anymore).  All the while the nagging voice in my head had turned into a mean hag. See?  You ate all of that bad food, and are you still anxious?  Yep.  I told you.  I said 'Throw it away' but you wouldn't listen, would you?  Now you're going to gain back a pound or two.  Way to go.  Fat ass.

I could feel the disappointment in myself growing.  I started to doubt myself.  How in the world would I be able to lose 118 more pounds if I can't even refrain from my kids' leftover nuggets and fries?  Will this happen every time I have a bad day?  

I started out my first day back at school in a funk.  I had decided I would keep to my plan, continue doing what I've been doing, and somehow figure out a way to control myself whenever bad days came around.   I still couldn't drag myself out of my funk, until something small but important happened.  Someone made me feel better.  Want to know who?  Well, I'll tell you.   It was B.  

B is from The Opposite of That (you should go check it out), and we're also Twitter pals.   B suggested I go read her newest post.  She had won a blogging award, and in turn had passed the award on to several other bloggers.  The award is not what cheered me up.  It was what B wrote:

 Bea Beautiful- For keeping me laughing and on track with my weight loss goals. 

Your honesty shows in everything you write, and I love that.

It may seem small, but it was someone making a positive remark about what I'm doing right now, the effort I've been making.  I decided in the beginning that this blog would be my way of holding myself accountable for my actions.  I would share my successes, but also my failures.  

Her reminder of my honesty made me realize that it's okay to screw up sometimes.  We all do.  There will be bad days along this journey, which I'm positive will be quite long.  133 pounds does not fall off overnight.  But it WILL fall off.  And if I have a moment of weakness here and there, I will share it with you guys.  You will encourage me, as you all have from the beginning, and hopefully I will be there to support and encourage you whenever you guys have bad days, whether it be weight-loss related or life-related.  

P.S.  After I found my determination again, I kicked butt in my workout yesterday.  I only weigh on Sunday mornings usually, but I cheated this morning and stepped on the scale.  I've lost 3 more pounds.  18 down, 115 to go.  I've got this. 

Feel the Burn! OR No pain, no gain.

Can we talk seriously about exercise for a sec?  Yes, it's great for you and makes your heart strong, blah blah blah.  But really, have you ever stopped to consider the number of exercises available to the average person nowadays?  Strength training, cardio, cycling, walking, dancing, running, tennis, football, basketball, soccer, baseball/softball, badminton (ha), polo, etc....on and on the list goes of possible ways one can try to burn calories, kill fat and get fit.  I think all of these are great ways to   get in shape - except for badminton and tennis, because one is stupid and I'm not coordinated enough for the other.  Not all exercises are compatible with everyone.  People generally pick a certain type of exercise and stick with it until the bitter end (which usually happens on a couch with a bag of Cheetos). 


Being the eternal fat girl, I have tried out MANY different types of exercise routines in the constant effort to slim down.  Obviously, none so far have been successful for me because I had no willpower whatsoever.   Until now, which is another story (and a much happier one, so far).   I decided I would share with you guys a few different exercises I have tried over the years, and a brief summary of each.  This should be fun. 



Tae Bo


Yes, we've all heard of Billy Banks and his band of super-fit followers who manage to grin whilst beating the hell out of invisible attackers.   I tried this workout around age 16 with my mom, some of my friends and some of her friends.  We figured it was a double win because it's cardio AND self-defense lessons.  Right.  


The first few times we did it we were pumped up, and thought hey, this isn't so bad.  Just some punches and kicks and lots of "Ya!"ing.  I felt like Chuck Norris: Badass.  I knew I could beat the hell out of any predator who dared cross my chubby path.  


Unfortunately this was in the day of the video cassette (yes, I'm THAT old) and the tape wore out after about a month.  What a rip-off.  By then the old ladies were complaining of aching hips and backs and since my mom was my ride that ended my routine.  


So, let's not blame Billy for my failure on this one.  We'll blame my mother. 




Curves for Women


For those of you who've never checked out one of these fat female havens, I'll explain the setup:


There's a circuit of machines with little bouncy pad things in between each machine.  The machines are designed to work out different areas of the body - legs, arms, abs, butt, etc.  You spend 30 seconds on each machine, then a little bell dings and you shift to the bouncy pad and dance/walk/jog in place until the bell dings again and you shift to the next machine.  Three rotations equals a 30-minute "full-body workout" (their words, not mine).  


My freshman year in college I decided I'd try out Curves because one of my aunts went there and gushed repeatedly about how much weight she'd lost and how fit she was getting.  She was also doing the Atkins diet at the time so I'm not sure which contributed more.  I was at a very insecure age; being 19 and fat is not fun for anyone.  I figured Curves would be great because I could be dedicated to a gym but not have to worry about being self-conscious.  It's all chicks.  No dudes allowed.    


I joined and went in, did the circuits correctly, bounced on the bouncy thing actively, and did lose about 10 pounds in a month.  After a while though, I got to where I didn't feel like I was getting adequate workout for each area of my body, and while 30 seconds wasn't long enough for me, it's not allowed to remain at one machine repeatedly because it hinders the flow.  Also, as I've mentioned previously, the music was horrendous.  Cheesy remake of old dance music sung by Spanish tone-deaf dude.  AWFUL.  Give me Pantera, Aerosmith, something loud and mean to work out to.  So, that endeavor failed after the one-month trial.  Adios, Curves.  I'll take mine with me, thanks. 


Pussycat Dolls Workout Video


It's okay, laugh it out.  I'll give you a minute.
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I know.  I was in Walmart one day and had recently started yet another fad diet and thought I might try some new workouts. I moseyed on over to the fitness area (what a joke.  There are more orange hunting vests than exercise items in my Walmart) to peruse the dozen or so exercise videos available.  Immediately the PCD Workout Video caught my eye.  I know they're hoes, but you've gotta admit, they're HOT.  I can be hot, I thought to myself.  I quickly envisioned myself all svelte and sexy, doing PCD dances for my husband.  I threw the DVD in my cart and bought it before I could talk myself out of it.  


I only attempted this workout one time.  Just once.  Wanna know why?


Fat should not, and will not, move the way they think it can in that video.  


I started out okay, swaying my hips and thrusting (oh my God, I can't believe I'm sharing this with you people) over and over again as Nicole Scherzinger encouraged me with her sultry voice and smoky eyes (Side note: who wears layers of makeup to workout?  Seriously!).  Soon, though, they started with the REALLY sexy dance moves. Let me just say that fat is mostly sedentary, and if you get it all moving too fast, it builds momentum.  I looked like a Jell-O commercial.  A bad one.   Eventually I just collapsed to the floor, dejected and hating the Pussycat Dolls with every fiber of my being.  Stupid hot girls.  


Suffice it to say I will not buy any more sexy dance videos of any kind until I have much less fat on my body.  


I think that's enough horror for one day.  I'll share some more endeavors with y'all later, including my current exercise routine and future plans.  Happy Friday! 

A New Obsession

Everybody and their brother has been telling me for weeks about this wonderfully fantastic website that I just HAD to join:  Pinterest.  They insisted that I would fall in love and spend hours of my life "pinning" things - whatever that means - and find great little tidbits.  It even has an iPhone app (what doesn't these days?).  So a blogging bud of mine sent me an invite, and a few short hours later, a monster was born. 


Pinterest is SO COOL.   They have pictures and ideas for everything.  Literally, everything.  You can type in just about any keyword and a bajillion images pop up for your perusal.  I wasted a good three hours looking up fitness, food and humorous.  Made my day. 


I'm sharing my newfound obsession with you guys for two reasons:


ONE:  Come join me in this fantastical world.  If I'm going down, I'm taking everybody with me.  My username is easy:  beabeautiful 


TWO:  I found a lot of great motivational phrases and photos, recipes, exercise and fitness tips, etc.  It's a weight loss gold mine.  Seriously. 


I'm going to share a few of the treasures I found last night.  Enjoy!

Amen!

I love it!

Lots of these little how-to things!

Snack ideas

Healthy/weight loss recipes for 2012

Like I've said before, small victories.

Jump on the bandwagon!

Motivators

I think if ever I feel like I'm losing momentum, or my willpower is slipping away, I should have some kind of go-to list of reminders why I got fed up with being fat in the first place, and reasons I have to stick to it.  Health reasons aside, here's a few:

• Fat people hate summer.  Sweat, shorts, tank tops, swimsuits, swim birthday parties, beaches = all various forms of awful when you're fat. 
• Crossing my legs at the knees.  Here's a picture to be sure you understand what I mean:

I haven't been able to do that since I was a freshman in high school.  Know why?  My thighs are too big.  How much does that suck?

• Dresses.  It matters not what fabric, color, accessories you use.  Fat girls just do not look good in dresses because we have lumps, bulges and bloat.  Everywhere.  (Note: I love dresses, and plan to own dozens once I reach my goal!)
• Joints.  No, not those you potheads.  I'm talking about joint pain.  Knees.  Ankles.  Back.  I can't run more than a few yards before my knees reject the amount of weight on them.  It's super-easy to twist your ankle when you're large.  Again, too much weight.  The back muscles support the stomach weight, so when there's excess weight in the stomach, the back suffers. 
• Airplanes.  I've fortunately never been so large an airplane seatbelt wouldn't fit around my waist, but a few times I've had to loosen the strap as far as possible to hook it.  Also, those seats are tiny anyway.  Squeeze a fat chick into one and NOBODY wants to sit next to her. 
• Sex.  Now, don't get me wrong, I am a happily married woman with a very healthy marriage.  My husband apparently has some brain malfunction because while seeing myself naked in the mirror provokes the urge to scream, the husband thinks I'm sexy.  I don't question it, I just thank God for it.   However, it would be nice to look in the mirror and think, "Now that chick's HOT."  Or better yet, maybe buy some lingerie that is actually small pieces of fabric, not yards of it.  Also, we could probably get much more creative in the bedroom if I weighed less.  Don't want to break furniture.
• High heels.  Okay, so I know lots of women complain about wearing heels, even if they're small.  Still, I am afraid of wearing thin heels for fear that they'll snap under the weight.  I'm stuck with clunky heels and wedge shoes.  I want to wear hooker shoes, y'all.  AND have the killer calves to go with them. 
• Jeans.  I love jeans.  I'm totally a jeans and t-shirt kinda gal.  Boot-cut is the least insulting type of jean I wear (I don't want to say most flattering, because there is none).  You will never see me in a skinny jean, because I feel like if I wanted to wear something that form-fitting it would probably be tights, but it would be nice to wear cute little low-rise jeans and not worry about a muffin top or my thighs looking like they're trying to bust through the fabric. 

Geez, I'm motivating myself by the minute here.

• Sports.  I love softball, basketball and football.  I played the first two all through elementary and junior high school.  I was really good at them, too.  Now I would love to play on adult co-ed leagues with my cousins and friends, but feel like I'm way too out of shape for that.  Running the bases would probably leave me gasping for air.  That's embarrassing. 
• Amusement Parks.  Sure, I love the thrill of a roller coaster as much as the next chick.  The most embarrassing thing in the world is walking up to get on a ride and then seeing a weight limit, which is usually 200 or 250 pounds.  I'm always over that.  No ride for me.
• Confidence.  I hate walking into a room, meeting people for the first time, walking through restaurants and shopping stores.  I always, always, always feel like when people look at me they're thinking God, she's fat or something equally awful.  I'm sure not all of them are, but some are.  I don't want to feel like that anymore.

I think that's a pretty good list for a first go.  So any time I'm having a down day, or feeling like giving up, I'm going to come back to this list and remind myself why I started this lifestyle change, and why I will keep fighting until I reach my goal.   Maybe they'll help some of you guys as well!



Feeling Good

Stepped on the scale this morning.  I know they all say (just who are THEY, by the way?  They say an awful lot about everything.) you should only weigh once a week, but really, who does that?  Every time I walk into my bathroom I see it beckoning me.  So this morning I caved, and so far I have lost thirteen pounds.


THIRTEEN POUNDS.  That's a baby Labrador.  Or a big watermelon.


Thirteen extra pounds of knee-killing, back-aching fat that is gone forever from my body.  I'm ecstatic.


Not just about the pounds, because I still have a VERY LONG way to go.  I'm so beyond thrilled because I am sticking to my new eating plan, and enjoying it.  I don't feel like I'm being starved or forced to eat yucky food.  It's all good, healthy food, and I love it.  I'm walking every day for 30 minutes.  My mother and a friend of hers have been walking with me, which makes the time go by faster and is a way to encourage each other.  That makes me happy.  Also, my mother power walks like those crazy ladies you see on the side of the road booking it with a fanny pack and a visor on, so walking with her is just a teensy step down from jogging.   I'm drinking TONS of water.  Besides my morning and afternoon cups of coffee (with no creamer and a tiny bit of sugar -working it out slowly), all I drink is water.


I feel good.  I'm sleeping better.  My legs hate me, but that just means it's working.


Also, the other day Jo-Anne over at Jo-Anne's Ramblings gave me my first blogging award for this blog, the Reader's Appreciation Award.

That's very sweet and I appreciate it.  I know I have to pass it on so I'll do that in the next couple of days.  Thank you, Jo-Anne.  If you aren't already following her, go on over and check her blog out.  She's great.


So I'm definitely keeping in mind that I still have a very long way to go on this journey, but the knowledge that my efforts are working fuels my fire and makes me that much more eager to continue on the path to good health.


Happy Sunday!

It's not just about being smokin' hot (though that is a motivator)

Whenever most people are on a diet, they frequently say things like, "When I'm all thin and sexy..", "Just wait until I'm hot and skinny..", and other references to being some form of small and a sex goddess.   I'll be honest, I dream about the day I can give Jessica Biel a run for her money and make Justin Timberlake see what he's been missing all these years.   (Don't tell my husband I said that.)  Though it's definitely motivation to lose weight, it's not ALL about that.  


My father's side of the family has an abysmal health history:  childhood diabetes, Type 2 diabetes, heart disease.  In my paternal grandmother's family, four of the five siblings (including my grandmother) have died from some form of cancer.  My own father had a heart attack at 32 (though he suffered no permanent damage to his heart, thank God).  My mother's side is ridiculously healthy.  My great-grandfather lived to be 94, and my great-grandmother is still kicking at 95 and is healthier than most people.  I've always hoped I inherited my mother's family's good health genes and that my dad's side somehow miraculously didn't transfer.  Not likely.


I'm 27 with two small children.  I want to someday be 70 with grandchildren, 80 with great-grandchildren.   If I want to make it that long, I can't be large and in charge.  I've got to be healthy and fit.    This is something that has kept me up nights, worrying about whether or not I'd live to see my kids grow up.  You shouldn't have to think about things like that at 27.  I'm not going to anymore.  


Also, when I began seriously changing up my eating habits, I realized just how much junk we allow our kids to eat.  It's awful.  I told my husband that it's up to us to instill in our kids an active lifestyle and healthy eating habits, otherwise one day they're going to wake up 27 and 280 pounds.  I don't want that for my kids.  I don't want them to spend summers wishing Fall would come so they don't have to wear a swimsuit.  I don't want them hating school dances because they have to shop in plus-size departments for ugly old lady dresses while their girlfriends get to show off in skimpy little pieces of fabric.  I don't want them to feel insecure and ugly and worthless.  I've been there and done that.  I refuse to let it happen to my kids.  


I refuse.  


So no, it's not just about being smokin' hot.  It's about being around for my kids, and ensuring they live a happy and healthy life.  

Getting into a routine

I don't want to start the year off as a liar, and tell you tall tales about how much I love working out, that gyms are my favorite places and I can think of nothing better to do than spend an hour on an elliptical machine burning up those calories.  That's malarkey, and we all know it.  


I hate working out.  I think gyms are where beautiful people go to admire other beautiful people.  No way will you ever find me donning spandex in a gym next to Miss Generic-Beauty-Pageant.   Just to be clear, I have nothing against those skinny, toned beautiful people.  I just hate them and their six packs.  


No, seriously, I have always felt uncomfortable in a gym BECAUSE I'm so big.  I know most people would probably be glad for me making an effort to do something about it, but there's always that nagging voice in your head that tells you everyone is staring at you and laughing that you would even bother going to a gym.  I tried Curves for Women once for a few months, and that was a lot more comfortable because 1) it's women only and 2) it's mostly middle-aged and older women.  I didn't feel like people were judging me there.  I just really hated the music.  


My biggest problem is that I typically start a new exercise routine (Wii Fit, Yoga, Walking, Tae Bo, P90X, etc) and do great for the first 2-3 weeks.  I even see results.  But it's like there's this trigger in my head that goes off around the third week and I'm suddenly bored.  I think I might have mild ADD...  


This time around though, we all know I'm serious about it, sick of being fat, sick of thinking about being fat.  I am determined and with that pushing me, I decided to try something new.    You read everywhere and hear about people walking off the pounds.  Walking is by far the best generic exercise a person can do to slim down and get in some good calorie burn.  So, obviously, I want walking to be part of my regime.  I have a treadmill which I like, but my mother also decided she wanted to start walking with me, and we just so happen to have access to a gym, so we decided to walk there together.  Instead of just walking two miles a day, though, I am going to alternate.  Walk every other day, and in between rotate a few different cardio workouts.  I am going to do some P90X with my husband, who is also starting a new get-back-in-shape plan,  try out some Zumba, use my Wii Fit (since we paid so much for it), and mix in a few different types of exercises.  I feel like by changing it up here and there I will keep interest and also work out different areas in the process.  


I'm not sure if this is a brilliant plan or if it will fail horribly, but I have the determination to try.  Wish me luck!