March 14, 2012

Biggest Fears

Yesterday I was listening to Kidd Kraddick in the Morning while driving to school.  They were discussing their biggest fears, and each person on the show had to take a turn.  Kellie's is being fired.  JC's is doctors. Big Al's is disappointing his parents.  Kidd's is the triangle of death - he wouldn't give his actual fear.  Jenna's is dying in a plane crash.  Then they got to Shannon, the quiet chick who keeps them on schedule and is rarely heard on the show.  Her biggest fear:  getting fat.  

When she said it I immediately got angry.  It was self-defense mode, I'm sure, to react that way.  I'm like that with many things.  If somebody makes a fat joke in general, I get angry.  If an overweight person is discriminated against or made fun of on TV or in a movie, I get angry.  I know this is more about my own self esteem issues than anything, but that does not make it any less wrong to use an obese person as the brunt of a joke or as a good story line.   

I started ranting and raving in my car, to no one in particular, about how insensitive people are, and Oh, you're SO terrified of gaining weight, honey, you should try being overweight for most of your life and being unable to LOSE weight.   I'll admit, I had a small pity party going on in the midst of that rant.  

After thinking about it for a while, though, I realized her fear isn't all that shocking.  If I were forced to examine my own fears, one of my biggest fears is that I'll always be fat.  Isn't all that different from Shannon's fear, is it? 

Even as I'm on this journey, working hard to eat the right foods, smaller portions, exercise, be healthy, in the back of my mind is this nagging voice that says don't bother with all of this, it's too hard.  You'll always be fat.  Just accept it.  Granted, that voice is getting smaller and smaller - I contribute that to my success thus far and the wonderful support I get from my family, friends and blogging buds.  

They say you should face your fears.  If my fear is being fat forever, then I need to face it and shut that fear up by proving it wrong.  


  1. I think some people do have that fear and despite being a big guy myself, I can understand why. If anything being big should help understand why given what I've been through.

  2. I heard this same segment on Kidd Kraddick and I had the exact same reaction as you. It floored me that someone's worst fear was, basically, my life. I mean... I'm not miserable. Should I be miserable? Of course, I'm desperately working at losing weight, but on the list of terrible things that could happen to you, I think being fat should be pretty far down on that list.

  3. I can understand the fear of being fat, like you I have the fear of always being fat. However, I fear being a lot of things more. Like being inconsiderate and insensitive to other people's feelings.

    Sure it's not fun being overweight, but I wouldn't say my life is lacking. I can't wear some things that I want to, but I mean I'm healthy. I have a husband that loves me, a family that loves me, a great group of friends, a wonderful job, and lots of other things that make my life fullfilling.

    This Shannon must have an amazing life if that's her biggest fear.

  4. Stuff like this makes me sad because it's pretty indicative of how fucked up people's attitudes are about the overweight and being overweight. It pisses me off that someone would use getting fat as a joke but it breaks my heart that there are people out there who honestly and legitimate consider getting fat to be worse than death. Can it suck? Yes... But there are so many more worse thing than putting on a little... Or even a lot... Of weight.

  5. My ex told me once that he would always love me but that if I got heavy he wouldn't be attracted to me. So I have a huge fear of getting fat too, because he taught me to equate my looks to my self-worth. But I'm working to teach myself that those feelings aren't real (and making some pretty big progress too, I think).

    My new biggest fear is that I may never again feel that it is safe to trust anyone enough to REALLY open up, so I'll just be lonely forever.

  6. Thanks to you, I'm immediately going to remove a fat joke from a post next month. Even though I thought it was funny, you made me realize it could be taken as insensitive and could hurt feelings. And that's something I won't consciously do.
    Thanks again.

  7. What a stupid thing to be afraid of being fat is not that bad and it is not something most people choose to be sometimes it just happens and we have to deal with it and you can be big and healthy despite what some so call experts say......

  8. Hey Bea! I love your posts because they are so honest (but with good humor) about society and about your own struggles. It's always refreshing and very encouraging and I find that your honesty about what you are going through always really encourages me in things I'm going through. Just thought you should know how much I love your blog!

    Also, I know this isn't the point of your post, but it may make you feel better to know that Psycho Shanon (her handle name lol) actually has a ton of personal issues that's she pretty honest about (depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, OCD) which is no excuse for her insensitive remarks but it's always nice to know that everyone has a story... She talks about it on her blog sometimes

    Luv ya Bea!

  9. I read your post and immediately understood your frustration. I laughed at her fear then teared up when I realized my fear was that I would be fat for the rest of my life and saddened that I have let it go so far and so long. Overall, I feel as if you summed up something in words that I couldn't. Thank you! Keep blogging and know that you are not alone in this battle!