Yesterday I was listening to Kidd Kraddick in the Morning while driving to school. They were discussing their biggest fears, and each person on the show had to take a turn. Kellie's is being fired. JC's is doctors. Big Al's is disappointing his parents. Kidd's is the triangle of death - he wouldn't give his actual fear. Jenna's is dying in a plane crash. Then they got to Shannon, the quiet chick who keeps them on schedule and is rarely heard on the show. Her biggest fear: getting fat.
When she said it I immediately got angry. It was self-defense mode, I'm sure, to react that way. I'm like that with many things. If somebody makes a fat joke in general, I get angry. If an overweight person is discriminated against or made fun of on TV or in a movie, I get angry. I know this is more about my own self esteem issues than anything, but that does not make it any less wrong to use an obese person as the brunt of a joke or as a good story line.
I started ranting and raving in my car, to no one in particular, about how insensitive people are, and Oh, you're SO terrified of gaining weight, honey, you should try being overweight for most of your life and being unable to LOSE weight. I'll admit, I had a small pity party going on in the midst of that rant.
After thinking about it for a while, though, I realized her fear isn't all that shocking. If I were forced to examine my own fears, one of my biggest fears is that I'll always be fat. Isn't all that different from Shannon's fear, is it?
Even as I'm on this journey, working hard to eat the right foods, smaller portions, exercise, be healthy, in the back of my mind is this nagging voice that says don't bother with all of this, it's too hard. You'll always be fat. Just accept it. Granted, that voice is getting smaller and smaller - I contribute that to my success thus far and the wonderful support I get from my family, friends and blogging buds.
They say you should face your fears. If my fear is being fat forever, then I need to face it and shut that fear up by proving it wrong.