The Fine Line - Finding balance in weight loss

It's been a while - about seven months, actually - since I sat down to write about my weight loss journey. When I was last here in December, I was at 216. In January I was down to 204 - the lowest weight I've been since junior high school. From there, the scale has climbed back up to 229.8 (I refuse to round up). Now, I could whine about gaining back nearly 26 pounds in five months. In fact, I have felt sorry for myself many times in the past few months. However, this needed to happen, and I'll tell you why. 

When I reached 204 pounds, I was not in a good place. This journey, which began with impressive motivation and determination (really, I'm still not sure where it came from) somehow, around five months in, turned into something unhealthy. I don't know what shifted it from good to bad, but it happened. I was exercising daily, eating clean and healthy (and taking in around 1400-1600 calories per day). I never slipped up, never cheated, had no desire to. I was so proud of myself, and somewhere in there I became obsessed with food and the scale. I kept precise records of what I ate, and got so focused on it that I was eating less and less - some days under 800 calories. If I ate over 800 calories (and I'm not sure why the number was 800 - no clue), the next day I would punish myself. Not intentionally, mind you.  None of this was intentional. I would end up eating even less the next day, subconsciously making up for the extra calories from the day before.  Also, I had begun to weigh myself every single morning, and again, if the scale moved up instead of down, ended up eating less. 

So, at 204 pounds, I was in a dangerous, borderline disorder place in which I could potentially cause myself great harm. My husband had begun to notice my behavior and shared his concerns with me. He suggested that I take a break from everything and just give myself time to relax. I did not want to stop my progress, but realized that I was headed in the wrong direction, so I reluctantly took his advice. At first it was fine, and I allowed myself to indulge in some of the foods I had avoided for six months. But then, as expected, I got too relaxed with eating. I started overeating again, and ate more junk than healthy food.  Surprisingly, I kept up with exercising, because I greatly enjoy it. I also got a job at a local gym, which introduced me to many different types of exercises and machines. So, although I've slowly been putting weight back on, I have maintained my fitness level and see the dangers of letting the weight loss control me. 

I am starting fresh with a new outlook, a new plan and some new support. My cousin, who is currently living at my house and working on her personal trainer license, has agreed to take me on as one of her first clients and will plan out a fitness and nutrition program for me. She will also keep an eye out for any of the behaviors that might mean my previous issues are returning. We are implementing Chris Powell's method of carb cycling, as explained in his book Choose More, Lose More for Life. 

I have realized that even when attempting to lose weight in healthy ways, it is easy to slip into harmful habits. I feel confident that the accountability of my cousin and my determination to journal about the process on a regular basis will help me stay on the right track mentally and emotionally. I'm excited and hopeful that this time, the journey will remain an uplifting, encouraging process! 

Fitness Humor

Yesterday I was bored (which seems to happen more frequently now that I don't have 2-3 books to read every week) so I googled fitness memes, and came across some hilarious images.  I decided to share a few with you guys.  Hopefully you'll get a good laugh (or several) from them.

Just posted this on my Instagram with a short bit of info about how I had to reach the point where I realized it didn't matter what I was wearing, I looked fat because I was fat. Still am, but not as fat as I was! And I'm a heck of a lot healthier! 

LOL My husband LOVES this.  He's all about that kind of cardio (as I'm sure most men are).

Not happening. 

Hubs and I had this exact conversation once.  

We laughed through most of it, but there was some truth to it! 

I am addicted to yoga pants.  

I still haven't gotten small enough to wear them in public, but I'll be there!

P90X evokes this feeling in me sometimes.  

Like last night, doing Kenpo X, after 15 minutes I was whining. Some days are easier than others...

I think most of us would be among the first to die anyway, but still.  

LOL

Spongebob and P90X.  So much awesomeness.

Yeah, this guy.  When we first started P90X, we would do a workout and I'd see the time counting down and think "YES! We're almost done!" and then Tony would be like, WAIT - Ab Ripper! Ugh. 

(Now I love it. Kinda.)

A LOT of motivation required. 

Fitness is never finished.  Ever. Embrace the lifestyle, people. 

Blogging takes a break, but the journey never stops

Hey guys.  Thanks to those of you who have stuck around. My first semester of graduate school is complete, and I must say that while I adjusted to it faster than I figured I would, it still consumed a great deal of my time. However, I'm on a break until mid-January, so hopefully I can get back in the swing of things and then keep up with it come Spring semester. 

Just as an update, I'll share where I am in my fitness journey.  I weighed in this morning at 216, which puts me at 59 pounds lost.  I am SO excited about hitting 60, but after passing my first goal of 50 the next is to be 75 pounds down, so I have 15 to go before I reach my second goal and then I am on the edge of ONEDERLAND! Yes, ladies and gents, I will be - for the first time in over 12 years - under 200 pounds.  

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! I can hardly imagine how excited I will be.  I know fitness is more than a number, but for me, personally, being in the 100s is something I have longed for, dreamed about, but never really believed I could do. Of course, once I hit that goal I still have 55 pounds left until I reach my weight goal.  I'm not worried, though, because I look back at how far I've come, what I've accomplished in the past five months, and how much stronger I am.  I look forward to the challenge, because I know I've got this.  

Oh yeah, I finally got around to joining Instagram.  Find me and I'll follow you back.  We can share fitness motivation, encouragement, recipes and successes! bea_beautiful_12 

Happy Hump Day! 

Ab Ripper X (or why I hate Tony Horton)

So, as Hubs and I have increased our stamina and fitness, we decided to up the intensity of our workouts. Hubs did P90X a few years ago and was some kinda buff.  Then he got the flu, took a week off and that was all she wrote.  He held on to the DVDs though, so when discussing our exercises he suggested we start using the Ab Ripper X workout every other day to help prepare ourselves for when we jump into the full P90X workout schedule.  Of course I thought it was a brilliant idea.  We could continue to improve our fitness and throw in some intense ab workouts to better prepare for the next step.  I have been feeling super enthusiastic about my workouts, and I know I have gained stamina, strength and endurance.  Surely I was ready for a 15-minute ab workout.  Should be no problem, right? 

Wrong.  So, so wrong. 

The P90X guy, Tony Horton, is super fit.  Like Chuck Norris before his Walker, Texas Ranger days.  Like Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminator.  Like Sly Stallone in Rocky.  You know, FIT. He's also really enthusiastic.  He talks a lot.  Like, a whole lot.  Although his words are that of encouragement, you can't help but get pissed when you're sweating like a pig, out of breath trying to do the 117th variation of a sit up and this guy is Chatty Kathy-ing it up about spandex or feeling good or something (I'm not entirely sure, I wasn't listening. I was trying not to think about the remaining seven minutes in the workout). 

I won't lie, I feel like a beast after completing the workout.  But it HURTS. LIKE. HELL.  My abs were so sore the next day that I could have cried. I did it again on the second assigned night and it was just as torturous as the first time.  My abs weren't quite as angry at me the day after that, though, so I'm hopeful that after I fight through it tonight my abs will have adjusted and be able to forgive me.  

All in the name of being fit and sexy. 

Progress is a process

Hey, guys.  Hope all is well in your lives and summer has been a fantastic one filled with lots of sunshine, love and happiness! My summer has been great, though not quite long enough.  I (finally) graduated in May with my Bachelor of Arts in History, and I will begin my first graduate courses in just a few weeks as I pursue my Masters in History.  I am equal parts excited and terrified at taking on graduate school.  My oldest daughter starts kindergarten and my youngest starts pre-k on the 19th.  Basically, this month is going to be jam-packed with new adventures for all of us.  I welcome the challenges! 

I last posted back in April and was attempting, yet again, to cut back on bad food and be more active.  This has been an off-and-on thing since I fell off the wagon last Spring. In June I jumped back on the wagon in full force, and have since created a great fitness routine that I'm  proud to say the Hubs has joined in on, and I have changed my meals to strictly clean foods.  My mindset has become less about weight loss and more about fitness.  I want to be fit and healthy.  I want my kids to see my husband and I eating well and exercising - and enjoying it - so they can learn good habits and being healthy will just be a part of life for them, and not something they have to struggle with. 

What really boosted my motivation recently has been Extreme Weight Loss with Chris Powell.  I saw a preview for an episode, so I went on YouTube and found several episodes from seasons past.  With each episode I watched, I found myself thinking, man, if people 400 and 500 pounds can find the willpower and determination to do this, then I certainly can! I went on Amazon and found a workout dvd by Chris Powell featuring some of the previous participants.  I saw that it had three levels, and one could progress as their fitness improves.  I bought it, and two days later it arrived.  I put it in and set level one, which was only fifteen minutes.  I did it easily and without much sweat.  The next day I jumped to level two, feeling confident.  Needless to say, it kicked my butt! I pushed through and 25 minutes later, as I was going through my cool down stretches, I felt SO proud of myself.  I felt strong.  I felt optimistic.  

A few hours later I found myself excited for the next day to come so I could do the workout again.  Now THAT was a first.  I have never looked forward to exercising, save for basketball and softball practice as a teenager.  The second day, I did the workout, and felt the same sense of accomplishment and excitement.  I made a commitment to myself that I would workout five days a week and eat clean seven days a week.  I did the video workout for a couple of weeks and then decided I should change it up a bit so as to keep from getting bored. I decided to do the video three days a week and treadmill/weights two days. 

Before long, I could feel myself getting stronger.  I had more energy, I had greater endurance.  I found myself choosing to do activities with my kids that I used to dread doing.  If we were going somewhere within walking distance, I set out with the kids and made it an adventure.  I was surprising myself! Then one night, Hubs came in from work and declared he was ready to start working out with me.  Well, imagine my delight! I had a workout partner! Woohoo! 

So, since then Hubs has worked out three days a week with me, and I have actually RAN on the treadmill - something I haven't done since high school - and have demolished 24 pounds.  Tomorrow Hubs and I are moving to the third level of the video workouts, which we plan to do for 2-3 weeks before starting P90X.  It's gonna get real! We did the Ab Ripper X earlier and it was serious business.  Sheesh. 

Anyhoo, that's what's been up with me and what's going on now!  I'll leave you guys with my new motto:

Finish what you started. 

Feel the Burn! OR No pain, no gain.

Can we talk seriously about exercise for a sec?  Yes, it's great for you and makes your heart strong, blah blah blah.  But really, have you ever stopped to consider the number of exercises available to the average person nowadays?  Strength training, cardio, cycling, walking, dancing, running, tennis, football, basketball, soccer, baseball/softball, badminton (ha), polo, etc....on and on the list goes of possible ways one can try to burn calories, kill fat and get fit.  I think all of these are great ways to   get in shape - except for badminton and tennis, because one is stupid and I'm not coordinated enough for the other.  Not all exercises are compatible with everyone.  People generally pick a certain type of exercise and stick with it until the bitter end (which usually happens on a couch with a bag of Cheetos). 


Being the eternal fat girl, I have tried out MANY different types of exercise routines in the constant effort to slim down.  Obviously, none so far have been successful for me because I had no willpower whatsoever.   Until now, which is another story (and a much happier one, so far).   I decided I would share with you guys a few different exercises I have tried over the years, and a brief summary of each.  This should be fun. 



Tae Bo


Yes, we've all heard of Billy Banks and his band of super-fit followers who manage to grin whilst beating the hell out of invisible attackers.   I tried this workout around age 16 with my mom, some of my friends and some of her friends.  We figured it was a double win because it's cardio AND self-defense lessons.  Right.  


The first few times we did it we were pumped up, and thought hey, this isn't so bad.  Just some punches and kicks and lots of "Ya!"ing.  I felt like Chuck Norris: Badass.  I knew I could beat the hell out of any predator who dared cross my chubby path.  


Unfortunately this was in the day of the video cassette (yes, I'm THAT old) and the tape wore out after about a month.  What a rip-off.  By then the old ladies were complaining of aching hips and backs and since my mom was my ride that ended my routine.  


So, let's not blame Billy for my failure on this one.  We'll blame my mother. 




Curves for Women


For those of you who've never checked out one of these fat female havens, I'll explain the setup:


There's a circuit of machines with little bouncy pad things in between each machine.  The machines are designed to work out different areas of the body - legs, arms, abs, butt, etc.  You spend 30 seconds on each machine, then a little bell dings and you shift to the bouncy pad and dance/walk/jog in place until the bell dings again and you shift to the next machine.  Three rotations equals a 30-minute "full-body workout" (their words, not mine).  


My freshman year in college I decided I'd try out Curves because one of my aunts went there and gushed repeatedly about how much weight she'd lost and how fit she was getting.  She was also doing the Atkins diet at the time so I'm not sure which contributed more.  I was at a very insecure age; being 19 and fat is not fun for anyone.  I figured Curves would be great because I could be dedicated to a gym but not have to worry about being self-conscious.  It's all chicks.  No dudes allowed.    


I joined and went in, did the circuits correctly, bounced on the bouncy thing actively, and did lose about 10 pounds in a month.  After a while though, I got to where I didn't feel like I was getting adequate workout for each area of my body, and while 30 seconds wasn't long enough for me, it's not allowed to remain at one machine repeatedly because it hinders the flow.  Also, as I've mentioned previously, the music was horrendous.  Cheesy remake of old dance music sung by Spanish tone-deaf dude.  AWFUL.  Give me Pantera, Aerosmith, something loud and mean to work out to.  So, that endeavor failed after the one-month trial.  Adios, Curves.  I'll take mine with me, thanks. 


Pussycat Dolls Workout Video


It's okay, laugh it out.  I'll give you a minute.
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I know.  I was in Walmart one day and had recently started yet another fad diet and thought I might try some new workouts. I moseyed on over to the fitness area (what a joke.  There are more orange hunting vests than exercise items in my Walmart) to peruse the dozen or so exercise videos available.  Immediately the PCD Workout Video caught my eye.  I know they're hoes, but you've gotta admit, they're HOT.  I can be hot, I thought to myself.  I quickly envisioned myself all svelte and sexy, doing PCD dances for my husband.  I threw the DVD in my cart and bought it before I could talk myself out of it.  


I only attempted this workout one time.  Just once.  Wanna know why?


Fat should not, and will not, move the way they think it can in that video.  


I started out okay, swaying my hips and thrusting (oh my God, I can't believe I'm sharing this with you people) over and over again as Nicole Scherzinger encouraged me with her sultry voice and smoky eyes (Side note: who wears layers of makeup to workout?  Seriously!).  Soon, though, they started with the REALLY sexy dance moves. Let me just say that fat is mostly sedentary, and if you get it all moving too fast, it builds momentum.  I looked like a Jell-O commercial.  A bad one.   Eventually I just collapsed to the floor, dejected and hating the Pussycat Dolls with every fiber of my being.  Stupid hot girls.  


Suffice it to say I will not buy any more sexy dance videos of any kind until I have much less fat on my body.  


I think that's enough horror for one day.  I'll share some more endeavors with y'all later, including my current exercise routine and future plans.  Happy Friday!