December 20, 2011

Sometimes Fat is Funny

As a fat girl, there are possible pickles one can get into that just aren't in the realm of skinny people.  True story:

I go to church every Sunday.  I've always been a little uncomfortable in dresses because I have so much loose fat that just moves as it wishes.  My dear mother bought me one of those super-tight, stretchy spandex full body slip things that holds all of the fat in place.  The one I have makes me look about 20 pounds lighter, so I love it.  

On a particular Sunday, very recently, I had on said slip with a new long black dress, made of cotton, really light.   About midway through the sermon I felt an urge to go to the restroom.  I went into one of the stalls in the bathroom and pulled up my dress so that I could pull up the slip enough to go.  Unfortunately the fat smelled freedom, and got some momentum going.  The force of the fat propelled the slip upwards in a rolling motion.  Before I could react, my dress was rolled up in the slip, which was suddenly up near my chest.  Luckily my boobs stopped it before it could shoot off of my head like a rubber band.  

I tried to roll the slip back down, but the spandex wouldn't budge.  This was a full-on fat protest.  I stood there in the stall in this awkward position for about five minutes, and momentarily considered calling for help.  That would have been wonderful.  Everybody in the church come running to see what happened, only to find the spectacle that is me.    Eventually I tugged and struggled long enough to force the spandex downward.  Once I got it moving, I quickly rolled it down and back into place.  It's harder than you'd think to dislodge a dress from rolled-up spandex.  

When I had my clothes back in order, I realized I still had to pee.  Forget that.  

1 comment:

  1. I have a pair of bike shorts that do the same thing and what I hate about them is that it is terrible when I have to pee as getting them down the up again is a struggle and not one I like doing in a small stall and without powder(talc) it is even worse in summer when I am hot and good you managed to get the dress and slip untangled but did you manage to pee at