at Different Paths, Same Destination today.
My post is about the awful eating habits that got me fat in the first place.
Check it out!
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Craft Time!
Just to be clear: I am in no way "crafty" - I don't make things from scratch, I do not sew, I hate glue guns and glitter pisses me off. I do have occasional moments where I see something and think I could make that.
For example, the other day on Pinterest I saw this:
I think it's a fun, great way to visualize your goal and success at the same time. The large pink diamond is for the very last pound lost.
For example, the other day on Pinterest I saw this:
 |
| Link |
So what did I do? I went to Hobby Lobby, of course.
Found the exact same glass jars, some green stones (I like colorful), some thick pink alphabet stickers and a giant pink diamond. $23.49 later:
.JPG) |
| For some reason my camera flash made the glass look lined. |
Mine isn't as neat as the original, but hey, I think it's pretty good. I look forward to that pink diamond being the last stone left in the "Pounds to go" jar, and then taking it out and putting it in the "Pounds lost!" jar. I'm going to have a massive party when that happens!
So there's your craft lesson for today, brought to you by Bea's Craft Hour.
Tomorrow I"ll be posting over at Different Paths, Same Destination about my formerly awful eating habits. It's personal, it's exposing, and I felt great after writing it! Be sure to go check it out and follow the blog if you don't already! Today's former food post is by B!
January 28, 2012
Hurt
I started another post a few minutes ago about walking, but I have other fat-related problems on my mind right now, so I decided to postpone that one for later.
One of my blogging buds, who is also on a weight loss journey, is having a hard time. She's had some bad days - like we all do - and it's getting her down. After talking with her a bit, I started thinking about the things that get me down. The things that have gotten me down in the past. Basically, all of the little and big things that occur that bundle into one word: hurt.
People hurt you. Family hurts you. Friends hurt you. Strangers hurt you. You hurt yourself. This happens to everyone, but I'm talking about the kind of hurt that comes with being obese.
In junior high it was the hurt that came when I tried out for the cheerleading squad, and although I could do the cheers, dances and even the jumps perfectly, I was not picked for the team because I wouldn't look good in the uniform. (I was actually told this by a judge.) At twelve, that hurts.
In high school it was the hurt that came when I had crushes on really cute guys, who inevitably always picked the skinny, cute girls. Or when I fell IN LOVE (you know, 16-year-old obsession-type love) with my best friend Ben, and he would ask me for advice with all of the other girls he liked. I had boyfriends in high school - I wasn't a total horror - but you know what I mean. Or having to shop for my Junior prom dress in the plus-size section of the store because none of the normal dresses would fit me. At 14-17, that hurts.
Adulthood has been jam-packed with moments of hurt from men, friends, family, strangers and myself. One particular moment that stands out to me, almost ten years later, is a single moment of hurt that came from the last person in the world I expected it from: my mother.
At 18 I hit a rebellious phase, as most teens do at that age. I was smoking, partying and doing everything but getting caught. I hadn't started with the tattoos yet, but I went and got my tongue pierced. To my deep-south, Church of God born-and-raised mother, this was a huge deal. It was an embarrassment to her, because what would people think when they saw her daughter with a bar through her tongue? Of course, I had to argue loudly with her because that's what stubborn 18-year-olds do with their parents, but she shut me up quick when she hit below the belt. I guess she had had enough of my yelling, because she screamed at me, "SIT YOUR FAT BUTT DOWN RIGHT NOW!"
Stopped me cold. I sat down immediately. I was shocked, angry and terribly hurt. The hurt was more powerful than anything else, because despite all of the fat jokes and looks I was so used to from strangers, the last person in the entire world I expected to use my obesity against me was her. (God, I can't even remember this without crying.) She seemed to instantly realize what she had done, so she lowered her tone, told me to take out the piercing, then left my room. Neither of us have ever mentioned that awful moment. I don't think either of us ever will. Her, because she knows just how hurtful her statement was to me. Me, because I could never acknowledge to her just how much it hurt. I love my mother; she is the best person I know and she is a wonderful mother and grandmother. She's one of my very best friends. I confide in her, she confides in me. We get along wonderfully. I guess I decided long ago that I wouldn't hold against her the one moment in my entire life that she ever let me down. Still, even now, almost ten years later, it hurts.
I think if my husband were to make a comment about my weight, I would probably be devastated. Somehow, it hurts so much worse when it comes from someone you love.
So, while these memories - especially the last - still hurt me today, I have decided to use them as yet another motivational tool. I will lose weight and then when those jerks who laughed about me before see me fit, they'll be checking out my ass, oblivious to the fact that years ago they thought I was disgusting. I will lose weight and when someone makes a fat joke in front of me, they will be shocked when I call them out for being assholes. I will lose weight, and maybe, hopefully, I can forget that one awful statement my mother made in anger.
I'm not entirely sure why I shared this with you guys, because it's intensely personal. Maybe that is exactly why I shared it. No secrets here.
If somebody hurts you, in any way at all, don't let it consume you. Don't let it pull you under. Turn it around and use it to make yourself better. That's all any of us can hope to do.
One of my blogging buds, who is also on a weight loss journey, is having a hard time. She's had some bad days - like we all do - and it's getting her down. After talking with her a bit, I started thinking about the things that get me down. The things that have gotten me down in the past. Basically, all of the little and big things that occur that bundle into one word: hurt.
People hurt you. Family hurts you. Friends hurt you. Strangers hurt you. You hurt yourself. This happens to everyone, but I'm talking about the kind of hurt that comes with being obese.
In junior high it was the hurt that came when I tried out for the cheerleading squad, and although I could do the cheers, dances and even the jumps perfectly, I was not picked for the team because I wouldn't look good in the uniform. (I was actually told this by a judge.) At twelve, that hurts.
In high school it was the hurt that came when I had crushes on really cute guys, who inevitably always picked the skinny, cute girls. Or when I fell IN LOVE (you know, 16-year-old obsession-type love) with my best friend Ben, and he would ask me for advice with all of the other girls he liked. I had boyfriends in high school - I wasn't a total horror - but you know what I mean. Or having to shop for my Junior prom dress in the plus-size section of the store because none of the normal dresses would fit me. At 14-17, that hurts.
Adulthood has been jam-packed with moments of hurt from men, friends, family, strangers and myself. One particular moment that stands out to me, almost ten years later, is a single moment of hurt that came from the last person in the world I expected it from: my mother.
At 18 I hit a rebellious phase, as most teens do at that age. I was smoking, partying and doing everything but getting caught. I hadn't started with the tattoos yet, but I went and got my tongue pierced. To my deep-south, Church of God born-and-raised mother, this was a huge deal. It was an embarrassment to her, because what would people think when they saw her daughter with a bar through her tongue? Of course, I had to argue loudly with her because that's what stubborn 18-year-olds do with their parents, but she shut me up quick when she hit below the belt. I guess she had had enough of my yelling, because she screamed at me, "SIT YOUR FAT BUTT DOWN RIGHT NOW!"
Stopped me cold. I sat down immediately. I was shocked, angry and terribly hurt. The hurt was more powerful than anything else, because despite all of the fat jokes and looks I was so used to from strangers, the last person in the entire world I expected to use my obesity against me was her. (God, I can't even remember this without crying.) She seemed to instantly realize what she had done, so she lowered her tone, told me to take out the piercing, then left my room. Neither of us have ever mentioned that awful moment. I don't think either of us ever will. Her, because she knows just how hurtful her statement was to me. Me, because I could never acknowledge to her just how much it hurt. I love my mother; she is the best person I know and she is a wonderful mother and grandmother. She's one of my very best friends. I confide in her, she confides in me. We get along wonderfully. I guess I decided long ago that I wouldn't hold against her the one moment in my entire life that she ever let me down. Still, even now, almost ten years later, it hurts.
I think if my husband were to make a comment about my weight, I would probably be devastated. Somehow, it hurts so much worse when it comes from someone you love.
So, while these memories - especially the last - still hurt me today, I have decided to use them as yet another motivational tool. I will lose weight and then when those jerks who laughed about me before see me fit, they'll be checking out my ass, oblivious to the fact that years ago they thought I was disgusting. I will lose weight and when someone makes a fat joke in front of me, they will be shocked when I call them out for being assholes. I will lose weight, and maybe, hopefully, I can forget that one awful statement my mother made in anger.
I'm not entirely sure why I shared this with you guys, because it's intensely personal. Maybe that is exactly why I shared it. No secrets here.
If somebody hurts you, in any way at all, don't let it consume you. Don't let it pull you under. Turn it around and use it to make yourself better. That's all any of us can hope to do.
January 24, 2012
Introducing Bea
On the new group blog, Different Paths, Same Destination. Today is my intro day. Go on over and check it out here! Also, follow the blog as well as the other writers. They're all awesome!
Oh AND since my last post we've welcomed an additional blogger to the new blog, and she's sweet, funny and super excited to be joining us. I love her bunches! Ashley from Finding the Skinnier Me is her name, weight loss is her game. Go on over and follow her as well. Welcome, Ash!
Why are you still here? Go now!
Oh AND since my last post we've welcomed an additional blogger to the new blog, and she's sweet, funny and super excited to be joining us. I love her bunches! Ashley from Finding the Skinnier Me is her name, weight loss is her game. Go on over and follow her as well. Welcome, Ash!
Why are you still here? Go now!
January 23, 2012
Drumroll, please...
I know I mentioned this in my last post, but I'm just SO FRICKIN' EXCITED and cannot contain myself so I'm telling y'all again...
I was asked, along with three other fantabulous ladies: Yandie from Inspiration Strikes. In the Kneecaps, Mrs. One Day from One Day I'm Gonna... and Jessica from Simple Musings to join B. from The Opposite of That in a new group blog. The blog is called Different Paths, Same Destination and it will focus on weight loss. Each of us are, in our own ways, attempting to lose weight, some just a few pounds, and others (like me) a bunch. We're talking a whole Backstreet Boy. Seriously, they only weigh like 90 pounds.
Anyhoo, the first posts (coming very soon) will be our individual introductions, and then we'll get into the nitty gritty of it. We will post about our successes, failures, progress, food, exercise - basically anything and everything having to do with our journeys through weight loss. I suggest you get on over and follow us so you won't miss any of it!
We appreciate the support, just as we appreciate having each other to count on for support, encouragement, and shared celebration as we succeed in achieving our goals. Hope to see y'all over there!
P.S. Those chicks I mentioned up there...they're totally awesome, and their blogs prove it. If you're not already a follower, go check 'em out as well! :)
I was asked, along with three other fantabulous ladies: Yandie from Inspiration Strikes. In the Kneecaps, Mrs. One Day from One Day I'm Gonna... and Jessica from Simple Musings to join B. from The Opposite of That in a new group blog. The blog is called Different Paths, Same Destination and it will focus on weight loss. Each of us are, in our own ways, attempting to lose weight, some just a few pounds, and others (like me) a bunch. We're talking a whole Backstreet Boy. Seriously, they only weigh like 90 pounds.
Anyhoo, the first posts (coming very soon) will be our individual introductions, and then we'll get into the nitty gritty of it. We will post about our successes, failures, progress, food, exercise - basically anything and everything having to do with our journeys through weight loss. I suggest you get on over and follow us so you won't miss any of it!
We appreciate the support, just as we appreciate having each other to count on for support, encouragement, and shared celebration as we succeed in achieving our goals. Hope to see y'all over there!
P.S. Those chicks I mentioned up there...they're totally awesome, and their blogs prove it. If you're not already a follower, go check 'em out as well! :)
January 21, 2012
Blogpalooza
I'm not typically in favor of doing memes or any type of pass-it-on thing, but recently I've been awarded three separate blog awards, and I really appreciate them so I felt it necessary to accept them and pass them on.
The first award I received was the Reader Appreciation Award from Jo-Anne over at Jo-Anne's Ramblings
There weren't any specific rules other than passing it on to 7 people.
The second award came from B over at The opposite of that. It's the Happy 101 Award.
To accept this award you must list 10 things that make you happy and then pass the award on to 10 bloggers who brighten my day.
10 Things That Make Me Happy:
1. My children
2. My husband
3. Watching football
4. Music of any kind
5. Puppies
6. Coffee
7. My education
8. Flip flops
9. Family
10. Friends (both the people I love and the tv show - twofer!)
The last award was the Overlord Award from Mrs. One Day at One Day I'm Gonna...
I think this one is my favorite because I get to list three things I would do if I were overlord, then pass it on to 10 blogs I feel worthy of world domination. How badass is that?!
So the three things I would do as overlord:
1. Make Steven Tyler and Johnny Depp my personal assistants. On call 24/7.
2. Pass a law that every single person who abuses a child, either physically or sexually, will have his/her sexual organs removed, and then they will be all locked together in my own special version of the Hunger Games, which will be held annually.
3. Force celebrities/athletes/government officials to donate 40% of their annual income towards efforts to feed, clothe, house, educate and provide health care for the needy all over the world.
Now, instead of selecting 7 people for the first, 10 for the second and 10 for the third, I'm going to bundle them up into an awesome blog award package hereinafter referred to as Blogpalooza.
The following ten bloggers/blogs have been awarded all three of these awards because I appreciate their writing, they make my day brighter and I find them more than worthy of world domination:
Sarah at Brave Days
Dr. Heckle at Dr. Heckle
Cole Garrett at Dry Humor Daily
Ashley at Finding the Skinnier Me
Yandie, goddes of pickles at Inspiration strikes. In the Kneecaps
Mrs. One Day at One Day I'm Gonna...
Jessica Jenkins at Simple Musings
B at the Opposite of That
With Love at With Love
Al Penwasser at Penwasser Place
In order to accept all you really have to do is continue being frickin' awesome. If you'd like, though, you can repost with 10 things that make you all warm and fuzzy inside, followed immediately by the three things you would do as overlord. Basically, you guys are all badass enough to decide for yourselves.
You guys are all awesome and I very much enjoy reading your posts.
On another note, I have joined forces with some fantastically awesome people who are also on a weight loss journey and we will soon be unleashing a group blog on weight loss. We will all contribute our own various ideas, suggestions, successes and failures as we attempt to lose the pounds and find the healthier, happier versions of ourselves. I'll post the link once it's up and running!
The first award I received was the Reader Appreciation Award from Jo-Anne over at Jo-Anne's Ramblings
The second award came from B over at The opposite of that. It's the Happy 101 Award.
10 Things That Make Me Happy:
1. My children
2. My husband
3. Watching football
4. Music of any kind
5. Puppies
6. Coffee
7. My education
8. Flip flops
9. Family
10. Friends (both the people I love and the tv show - twofer!)
The last award was the Overlord Award from Mrs. One Day at One Day I'm Gonna...
So the three things I would do as overlord:
1. Make Steven Tyler and Johnny Depp my personal assistants. On call 24/7.
2. Pass a law that every single person who abuses a child, either physically or sexually, will have his/her sexual organs removed, and then they will be all locked together in my own special version of the Hunger Games, which will be held annually.
3. Force celebrities/athletes/government officials to donate 40% of their annual income towards efforts to feed, clothe, house, educate and provide health care for the needy all over the world.
Now, instead of selecting 7 people for the first, 10 for the second and 10 for the third, I'm going to bundle them up into an awesome blog award package hereinafter referred to as Blogpalooza.
Sarah at Brave Days
Dr. Heckle at Dr. Heckle
Cole Garrett at Dry Humor Daily
Ashley at Finding the Skinnier Me
Yandie, goddes of pickles at Inspiration strikes. In the Kneecaps
Mrs. One Day at One Day I'm Gonna...
Jessica Jenkins at Simple Musings
B at the Opposite of That
With Love at With Love
Al Penwasser at Penwasser Place
In order to accept all you really have to do is continue being frickin' awesome. If you'd like, though, you can repost with 10 things that make you all warm and fuzzy inside, followed immediately by the three things you would do as overlord. Basically, you guys are all badass enough to decide for yourselves.
You guys are all awesome and I very much enjoy reading your posts.
On another note, I have joined forces with some fantastically awesome people who are also on a weight loss journey and we will soon be unleashing a group blog on weight loss. We will all contribute our own various ideas, suggestions, successes and failures as we attempt to lose the pounds and find the healthier, happier versions of ourselves. I'll post the link once it's up and running!
January 18, 2012
Failure... and encouragement
I had a bad day Monday. My spring semester started Tuesday, and despite the fact that I'm 27 years old, I still get nervous jitters the eve of the first day back. Habitually, my immediate response to nervous tension or anxiety of any kind, is to eat. Eat and eat and eat. Doritos. Oreos. Some pretzels. Maybe a bowl of cereal. Whatever was available, really. I would take a few bites of this, a few bites of that. Food has been my go-to comfort for my entire adult life. No wonder I woke up 283 pounds. Life is stressful, y'all.
So Monday was the first stressful day I've had since starting my new lifestyle changes. My first urge, of course, was to start digging around for the bag of chips I know my husband has hid somewhere in the house (I told him if he insisted on buying junk food, please hide it from me because I don't even want to see it. He's a good husband.). I calmed myself down, repeated all of those little phrases like "food is not comfort" and "eating is not the answer" blah blah blah. I managed to refrain from a full-on chip search, so I felt proud of myself and let my guard down. A little while later my kids were in a chicken nugget and fries mood so I cooked just enough for them to eat, no leftovers. About halfway through her plate, my youngest decided she was full so she left her plate and went to play.
I stared at those two nuggets and six fries (yes, I counted) for a good five minutes. Throw it away, I commanded myself. You don't want it. Just throw it away.
But what happened? I ate the food. I ate both nuggets and all six fries. Immediately I was angry with myself for being weak, and internally counting how many calories I had just consumed on impulse (I don't even count calories anymore). All the while the nagging voice in my head had turned into a mean hag. See? You ate all of that bad food, and are you still anxious? Yep. I told you. I said 'Throw it away' but you wouldn't listen, would you? Now you're going to gain back a pound or two. Way to go. Fat ass.
I could feel the disappointment in myself growing. I started to doubt myself. How in the world would I be able to lose 118 more pounds if I can't even refrain from my kids' leftover nuggets and fries? Will this happen every time I have a bad day?
I started out my first day back at school in a funk. I had decided I would keep to my plan, continue doing what I've been doing, and somehow figure out a way to control myself whenever bad days came around. I still couldn't drag myself out of my funk, until something small but important happened. Someone made me feel better. Want to know who? Well, I'll tell you. It was B.
B is from The Opposite of That (you should go check it out), and we're also Twitter pals. B suggested I go read her newest post. She had won a blogging award, and in turn had passed the award on to several other bloggers. The award is not what cheered me up. It was what B wrote:
Bea Beautiful- For keeping me laughing and on track with my weight loss goals.
Your honesty shows in everything you write, and I love that.
It may seem small, but it was someone making a positive remark about what I'm doing right now, the effort I've been making. I decided in the beginning that this blog would be my way of holding myself accountable for my actions. I would share my successes, but also my failures.
Her reminder of my honesty made me realize that it's okay to screw up sometimes. We all do. There will be bad days along this journey, which I'm positive will be quite long. 133 pounds does not fall off overnight. But it WILL fall off. And if I have a moment of weakness here and there, I will share it with you guys. You will encourage me, as you all have from the beginning, and hopefully I will be there to support and encourage you whenever you guys have bad days, whether it be weight-loss related or life-related.
P.S. After I found my determination again, I kicked butt in my workout yesterday. I only weigh on Sunday mornings usually, but I cheated this morning and stepped on the scale. I've lost 3 more pounds. 18 down, 115 to go. I've got this.
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